A Brief Hiatus

A few weeks ago, there were some changes at work, the result of which is a larger workload and lots of overtime for me. It’s been overwhelming at times, exciting at times. Overall, I’m exhausted lately but glad for a chance to earn some overtime pay.

It breaks my heart that I’ve had to put writing on the back burner for now. I finally felt like I was getting into it again! But that’s the way life goes sometimes. I can do anything I want to, I just can’t do it all at once. We also sometimes we have to rearrange what we want to do because of things we have to do.

This has been an important nudge to give something else the attention it requires: exercise. When life is going smoothly and I’m happy and getting enough sleep all the time, it’s really easy for me to feel healthy and alert and all that without putting a ton of attention into my diet and exercise. What I’ve finally figured out is that when stressful things happen, I need to focus on exercise more than ever. When I’m under negative stress, I am constantly fighting a compulsion to overeat. I also sleep very poorly and not enough. Making sure to get enough exercise helps me immensely in both of these areas.

Hopefully the work craziness will only go on for another few weeks, and then I plan to get back to M-F posts. In the meantime, I may post sporadically but I’ll be focused on maintaining mental, spiritual, and emotional health until things settle down.

Sometimes that’s just how life goes. Dedication to something you love goes a long way, but there are times when you need to place things on hold as well. I’m learning that that’s okay.

SomeThoughts

Just when you think you can handle it all, something will happen.

Last Wednesday I really wanted to write a haiku, but words for it just weren’t coming to me. What a predicament!

I tried making a new pasta dish last week. It turned out well,  but I want to try a jar of marinara sauce instead of canned diced tomatoes next time.

Bob’s Burgers is hilarious and has enchanted me with its spell. It’s a light and optimistic view of a family struggling to make ends meet. At a time when I’m financially pinched, the Belcher family is very relatable to me. Especially Louise. I swear, Louise is me if I’d never learned to care what other people think.

Lately I think a lot about dogs. I miss living with them and I anxiously await the day when my living situation accommodates a dog.

If you’re in love with someone, it should be a well-anticipated joy to talk to them, right? It shouldn’t feel like a burden.

I’m really lucky to have amazing people in my life, no matter what’s going on. I feel like I’ve consistently had people I can rely on when I needed them throughout my life. My struggle has always been more about accepting help. But I always knew where I could find help, even when I was too proud to ask for it.

It feels so good to have a clean kitchen.

Weekly Favorite: The Things That Fall Down

Right next to the building where I work, there’s a tree with some phenomenal seed pods. They weren’t as interesting to me earlier in the summer, but as they turned brown and dried out they’ve become truly beautiful to me.

They’re quite translucent. It’s not obvious from this photo, but in the morning or the late afternooon, the sun hits their tree at such an angle that they light up like those paper lanterns at Christmastime. So delicate and papery, and they rustle as the wind blows through or as I walk by.

Nature to me is truly splendid in autumn. You can tell that things had a good run–they had a vibrant summer and are now ready to retire. In their jubilation, they provide is with warm colors to help us carry some summer into the coming winter. They sing us a crunchy, crackling chorus.

Bring on the sweaters, the crisp air and rain. Bring the brisk winds and even the pumpkin-everything. Autumn and winter are my time to shine.

On Balance

As a pendulum I swing

Between two enticing extremes

Between ideal and real

Between indulgence and temperance

Between practical and visionary

Moments of balance

And inertia’s constant press

One day too far left,

The next too far right

Set in motion long ago

Continuing in flight

Gravity begins to win

Downward pulling,

Nearly stilling

A moment centered

Almost there!

Perfection’s ever closer!

But just before the motion stops

An interrupting finger

Gently pushes

And Suddenly, Everything Was Different

Just when you think you’re handling it all, something will happen.

Things have been going really smoothly lately, but the purpose of life is not for it to go smoothly. Things have to get shaken up from time to time. The shake-ups inevitably happen when we’re ready but not quite willing, or when we’re willing but not quite ready.

The first option is what happened this week. Things have been steady and calm for a while. I’ve had a good handle on things. I knew it was probably time for a new challenge, but was enjoying resting on my laurels for a moment.

Change happened though. And though I wasn’t seeking a challenge right now, I know I need it to keep growing, so I’m keeping my chin up and raising my expectations of myself.

To growth and to progress.

Camaraderie

I finished Far From The Madding Crowd today, and it was perfect. I wish to share my favorite passage from the book, but it’s a potential spoiler, so proceed with caution.

Theirs was the substantial affection which arises (if any arises at all) when two who are thrown together begin first by knowing the rougher sides of each other’s character, and not the best till further on, the romance growing up in the interstices of a mass of hard prosaic reality. This good-fellowship – camaraderie – usually occurring through similarity of pursuits, is unfortunately seldom superadded to love between the sexes, because men and women associate, not in their labours, but in their pleasures merely. Where, however, happy circumstance permits its development, the compounded feeing proves itself to be the only love which is strong as death-that love which many waters cannot quench, nor the floods frown, beside which the passion usually called by the name is evanescent as steam.

The profound beauty of this passage was striking to me. The type of love of which it speaks is deeper than lust and stronger than romance. It is a love born of hardship and difficulty, and may be the hardest to attain, but ultimately the most worthwhile.

Sometimes I get very discouraged about not having found my mate yet. Things like this give me hope and remind me that a wondrous and powerful love will be well worth the wait.

Writer’s Block

I’m struggling with writing lately, but this doesn’t feel like the way I imagined Writer’s Block. I always imagined WB as a feeling of emptiness. A feeling that the well had run dry.

What I’m experiencing lately is quite the opposite. It’s an overwhelming feeling that there are so many words and stories inside me that need to come out, and they’re all crowded and fighting at the doorway and none of them are getting through. There’s not enough ink and not enough page, and I’m not setting aside enough time for this lately. I know the words need to come out and the only way is for me to write them, but I get scared like at the top of the first drop on a roller coaster, right before gravity takes over. If I just inch forward a bit, all the words will come pouring out. I’ll fly down the incline at lightning speed, losing track of my surroundings and getting lost in the rush of the words.

It kind of scares me. So I linger on the top of the rock, inching forward to jump into the lake, and then inching back in fear of letting go. Because really what scares me most in life is losing control, and I have to figure out how to deal with that if I want to be serious about this writing thing.

So maybe this isn’t WB exactly. Maybe there’s another word for it. I’d love to hear others’ perspectives if you’ve experienced this, though.

Weekly Favorite: Movies!

One of my coworkers showed up at my desk with a stack of four movies one day. He said to watch them and bring them back to him in two weeks, and then pretty much just walked away. They were 300, The Boondock Saints, What Dreams May Come, and A Few Good Men.

My favorites were the last two. I’m not usually into love stories, but What Dreams May Come puts a beautiful twist on it, and the ending is absolute perfection. They take you on a heart-wrenching journey through loss and separation and end it in the most beautiful way possible. I’m always a fan of a solid courtroom drama, and A Few Good Men epitomizes everything I love about the drama.  Tom Cruise and Demi Moore work together in perfect counterpoint and Jack Nicholson isappropriately  terrifying.

As for 300 and The Boondock Saints, it’s hard to say exactly what I didn’t like. Both movies had artistic quality, but I think their genres just aren’t particularly interesting to me. 300 was also pretty depressing. Kudos to The Boondock Saints for giving me a great book idea, though–more on that as I flesh out the ideas.

I forget sometimes how much I love movies. I tend to be really busy and have a hard time setting aside a block of time to sit through a whole movie, but there are some beautiful stories out there and I think it’s absolutely worth it to sit down for a cinematic feature event from time to time.

Weekend Post!

Hello! Here’s a weekend post, to make up for forgetting Friday! It’s been a struggle to write the last couple weeks because I’ve been sick and I’ve had to work more lately. I have an office job during the day and I drive for two well-known rideshare services as a side hustle.

Fortunately, the side hustle did provide me with something to blog about: my first barf story!

I suppose it had to happen eventually. Every time I tell someone that I work as a rideshare driver, they ask me if anyone has ever barfed in my car.

Last night I picked up a couple about 11pm from this bar on Main Street and we were about to get in the freeway and head up to Bountiful when the guy asked me to pull over because she was starting to feel sick. I had some paper bags ready to go, and set her up for the 20 minute ride to Bountiful. This girl threw up at least 4 times total. She’d fill a paper bag with putrid liquid and then the guy would throw the full one out the window and pass her a new one. It looked at first like it wasn’t that much of a mess, but when she got out I could see she’s gotten a puddle of it on her shirt and a puddle of chunks on the seat next to her. Her friend helped me clean up the car with wet wipes after I dropped them off and hands me $30 in case it needed more cleaning, so I think we’re square. I think I need to sprinkle some baking soda in my car for the last of the odor, but basically it cleaned up nicely.

Moral of the atory? I don’t know. I don’t think there’s a moral. Barf BEFORE you get in your ride, people. Or don’t drink so much that you mak yourself ill.

Of Rain and Petrichor

My twin loves returned today

From a long season away.

Droplets kissed my cheeks at dust

Earthy perfume graced the dawn

I thought to write this poem,

But thought it’d be cliche.

After all, a million lines

Are written every day,

Lauding rain and petrichor

In half a million ways.

What praise could I speak?

What adoration sing?

That a million other writers

Don’t already bring?

Yet as I danced in autumn rain,

I mourned the summer past.

I yearned for winter snows ahead,

And flowers after that.

Suddenly it all made sense,

And to the twins I said:

Come court other loves,

While also courting me.

And when you’ve gone away again

Other loves love me.